So weird to be reading what I was feeling at that time. I remember that night, feeling so depressed, alone and crippled by the pain I was feeling from losing my dad. Honestly not much has changed since December. Only I don't cry as often because I've learned to stop thinking of him when thougths of him start to creep into my mind. Then I get upset that I'm not able to think about him because I so wish I could think of the wonderful memories of him not just his death. What is it going to take, really? Time?
I joined a Suicide Bereavement Support Group a week after he passed and every two months the group and others from other groups get together for a few hours. Kind of checking in with everyone to see how they are all doing. These gatherings never fail to shock me that there are people there that have been suffering for years and years. At last nights meeting, I sat there only having gone thru it the past 10 months. Everyone's pain is just as intense, painful and beyond any pain we've ever felt at losing someone we love to suicide. No matter how much time has passed.
So many unanswered questions surrounding a loss to suicide. Many we will never ever have. Like a roller coaster mentioned so many times pertaining to the subject of suicide..being the surviviors....our feelings go around and around, up and down. Or like a ring, a circle with no end...It has forever changed me and so many others.
Now the question is....how do WE that are left behind to mourn our loss survive without our loved ones?
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