Christmas

Wow.  It has been so long since I've written.  So much going on.  Not only because of the holidays, but busy with kids of course.  So the usual really.  However, at this time of year, Christmas, which used to be my absolute favoite time of year *sigh* This is the very first Christmas without my dad.  It has now been seven months since his passing.  I miss him so much.  He is always on my mind.  When I think of him I attempt to only think about the good memories (as suggested by so many people).  However, I'm finding any kind of memory of him is still too painful and tears automatically form in my eyes.  It throws me how often and how hard I am hit by his memory.  Even as I lay my head down to sleep at night and close my eyes, my pillow is suddenly wet from my tears.  It's been such a struggle, and I have so many thoughts, that I even struggle to write about it.  Writing was never a problem before losing Dad.  I've kept journals all my life.  There is just so much emotion, it's all very overwhelming and I get lost in my own thoughts having a hard time making sense of it all.  My thoughts are just....scrambled.